I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
