every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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