hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
