my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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