he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
