It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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