its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
