I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
