Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
