For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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