nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
