she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
