I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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