the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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