yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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