I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
