Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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