I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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