We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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