Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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