Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
