She's JV to your varsity
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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