Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
