Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
