I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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