i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
