she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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