I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
