I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
