The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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