You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
