after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
