At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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