You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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