It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
