how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(