Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was born a porn star she said
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
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it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.