last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT