I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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