No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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