I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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