it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
