I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
worst night to have a conscience
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
