Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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