We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
