On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
