haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
