my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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