so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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