Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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