Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
