Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
