I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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