if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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