can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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