I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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