Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
