We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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