I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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