he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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