So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
