What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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