It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts