so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.