you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE