The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?