If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.