i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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