i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
